13 October 2009

Doubt Is an Annoying Voice and an Even Worse Movie.

Do you ever make a decision and then get that panic feeling deep in your chest? That "oops" notion?

Did I just do the right thing? Did I just make a HUGE mistake?

TURN BACK! TURN BACK!
DEAD END!
NO THOROUGHFARE!


These huge words blaring in the forefront of your brain. And then, small text follows...

.too late.

Geeze. Life is full of too many decisions. I know that sounds completely foolish, but it's what I feel nonetheless. At the moment anyway. Sometimes a decision feels so right, makes so much sense, you even get peace from God... And then your logic kicks in.

Are you nuts?! You know there's no way any of this is even possible! You can't seriously be making THAT choice. Everyone else will think you're nuts and childish, too. What makes you so different, huh? What makes you stand out from every other stupid teenager that's ever made a choice like this?

Hearing all this though, you realize it's not logic. It's deception. Lies rearing his ugly little face to taunt you.

You know, THAT'S what makes me at least slightly different. I know when you're talking. I know when you're scared I might actually be headed down the right path. It must be terrifying to know I'm back on track, to know that my heart is slowly leaning towards the One who created it all over again, to know that you can't stop it.

Oh, sweet Victory. :D

There's always going to be a little bit of uncertainty. There is only one thing that is sure in this entire universe and that's Him of course. Everything else falls short. Everything else is filled with at least a little doubt. There isn't a decision you can make without wondering whether or not it was the right one until you've already made it and seen it's repercussions. Even when you make the "right choice", doubt is seeded in the back of your mind.

If there was 100% assurance in every choice you made, what on earth would be the point of God? If you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly how your decision was going to turn out, why would you need to lean on Him? Doubt leaves room for Trust. It's an opportunity for Trust to take the place of doubt, rather.

So no matter how "coo-coo" my decision may seem, or no matter how unsure I may be, I trust that God really does know how it's all going to end. And that as long as I'm following Him, it's all going to end up being what's Best.

I have to trust Him that if I am really hearing His voice, I'll see evidence of that. Since I am incapable of convincing people of the impossible or improbable, I'll leave that up to Him. This all with the mere belief that the "leaning" I'm feeling just so happens to be Him and not my own childish hopes that are about to be smashed all over the concrete...

Trust is an odd and funny thing... Probably the most terrifying thing I'll ever have to do. Because although love is terrifying, you have to trust someone to love them. And trusting means not doubting. Yikes. So I'm putting all my hopes, all my dreams, all of my trust in the hands of Someone I've never had an actual conversation with, never seen, never touched and believing beyond a shadow of a doubt that it'll all come true whether it be today, tomorrow, or in some afterlife...

Some call it crazy. Some call it asinine. Some call it hopeless.

I call it Faith.
And it has yet to steer me wrong.

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