Reasons Adults Don't Eat Mudpies

It's funny to me how easily the human mind can be consumed by something.  It makes me think of "Inception". How an idea can take root and run rampant until it becomes a belief or a "truth" in your own mind. Even more intriguing is the fact that a person can be that all-consuming thought.  The word consumption has a negative connotation for me.  Perhaps because the only context I had ever heard it in up until a couple years ago was in reference to tuberculosis.  The economic definition is kind of ho-hum as most things having to do with economics are. However, the first definition given is thought provoking to say the least: "the act of consuming, as by use, decay, or destruction".

What am I allowing to consume my thoughts?

It's odd how people we think never would eat at our minds, do.  That boy that we met but for a moment and now runs rampant through our mind, taunting and pulling.  That guest that makes a snide, useless remark as they leave the restaurant.  I've noticed when left with these thoughts, they do, indeed, leave all else to decay.

Things that shouldn't get to me, do.  Things people tell me to let go of and ignore, I seem to be unable to do so. But I suppose it is not inability as much as it is a decision.  I've decided to dwell on these things, to clutch tightly to them like a dying man would to his last breaths as they ebb away. 

I've never really been the type to worry.  Most things roll off my shoulders because, hey, life goes on, right?  That has not been the case as of late.  I feel very much like Eomer in the Two Towers when he tells Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, "But do not trust to hope. It has forsaken these lands."  Hope is a sentiment that evades me.

I know that all of this circles back to Christ, to my relationship with Him, or lack thereof. I know that is the solution.

It is not a wonder to me those who live without Christ or even with him need anti-depressants or medication to keep them sane.  I have never felt that way in my life, but now, living the way that I'm living and keeping Christ on the back burner... Well, I am certain I'm losing my sanity and have been more depressed and hopeless than I ever have been.

I wrote something two summers ago about climbing a mountain; equating my walk as a Christian as a great trek up this mountain.  And I remember asking God, "What's the point? Why, when I fall, should I bother getting back up?"

His response was, "Because you'll die face down in the mud like that."

And having lied face down in the mud for so long, I know now that He was right.