I love how when I'm sitting and doing what I do (writing, of course) and listening to worship music, there's something that happens deep in my chest. It's almost like an awakening and it's nothing I ever feel any other time. I've never felt it outside of when I'm with Him, when I'm feeling Him close, whispering in my ear, pushing on my heart. Nothing is the same. Nothing even comes close.
I can't even really put it into words, but it's intimacy. It's an intimacy I've never felt with anything else. It's so deep, so full, so pure, so overwhelming... Overwhelming is a good word. It's suffocating in a really good way. It's debilitating, crippling, mind numbing. It's completely fantastic.
And after reading Laura's blog, I wonder if that's part of what we're going to experience. This awesome crippling sensation that draws me to my knees, brings kisses of praise to my lips, quenches every thirst of my soul, quiets every question in my mind, murmurs peace into everything else in my life. What if that is a small taste of Heaven? What if that will be multiplied times a quadrillion [I've heard this is quite a large number...]?
It makes this warmth bubble up inside me...
I can always breathe easier when I'm with Him. It feels like every other moment, there's this clamp on my chest that restricts movement and prevents me from filling my lungs completely with air. But when I'm with Him, when He's holding my face and staring deep into my soul, all my chains, all my locks and bolts and walls turn to chaff and I can suddenly breathe. Does it ever feel like you're really breathing for the first time when you're with Him? Is this just me? Is it greater than anything you've ever experienced in your entire life?
I've done things that people claim give you a fantastic high. I have felt all those physical pleasures. And honestly, they are pretty great, but they last a short while. They all eventually fade and leave you just feeling like a hollow tomb, echoing solitude and reeking of death.
But Him... Oh, it's so different. It really fills you up! It's the most...fulfilling high I've ever experienced, the most lasting. I feel like a child all over again. I feel like a little girl who's just discovering something new and fantastic. It's like when you get that present you've been waiting for ever since the day after last Christmas. That overflowing joy that just makes you want to jump on every jumpable surface and shout and giggle and run in silly circles, saying ridiculous things.
And when you notice everyone's watching you, you want to run and explain why you're being so ridiculous. When you tell them, you expect them to jump, too. You want them to be so incredibly excited about your gift, too. And why not? It is pretty amazing! I mean, just look at it. It's terrific!
It's just... so incredibly... wow!
God, in front of every person that ever accidentally stumbles on this page, on this post, or reads it on purpose, I honor you. As Creator of the entire universe, I honor you. I worship you, Master, for you are good and worthy of my praise. I love you so much, Daddy. Thank you for being who you are and for loving me to no end. You are the greatest thing that has ever been or will ever be.
You are just so incredibly wow. ;)
I love you always.
Daughter of Zion
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