I've been giving a lot of thought to this whole kid business... That is, having them. It may seem like it's silly for me to be thinking about such things, but with marriage on the horizon and my womb being "most fertile" only so much longer, it is naturally on my mind.
I've been saying pretty consistently to people, "I never want to have kids." Granted, I'm saying this BEFORE I'm even married and when few people my age even want kids. And I think I go about things like this, or saying things like this before I even really know why I'm saying it. The more I say it, though, the more I question why I'm saying it. I know that there are reasons, I just haven't really thought about them.
So I sat down and got to thinking about why on earth I would never want kids. I LOVE kids. They're so much fun to be around and there's so much we, as adults, can learn from them. They see the world we should all see it and say the funniest things, really love people wholeheartedly and don't care not to color in the lines.
I love all those things. I wish I was still that way.
But to want kids for those reasons... I don't really know that that's reason enough.
I think people, especially people my age, don't REALLY think about what it means to have a baby. I don't think they understand the gravity.
You are responsible for developing the belief system, morals, habits, mannerisms, intelligence, etc. of a HUMAN BEING that will eventually lead their own lives and have their own family, and a majority of the time, if they're screwed up, it's because of you.
People want to have babies because the Bible says "Be fruitful and multiply" (mind you, this was when the population was a whopping two people and when parentage was teaching your child a trade and literally spending EVERY moment of every day with them before public schools and a bad economy and a global population of 6.5 billion) and because kids are so cute or it's good to procreate or whatever. But I don't think many people actually consider the repercussions or the gravity of being responsible for a little one's life. It's your responsibility to provide for them and make sure they're cared for and loved.
Honestly, and I'm being 100% honest, I don't know that I'll ever have that time or energy. I want to. God, I want to. If I knew my husband or I wouldn't have to work a 9 to 5 and put our kids in a school where the odds are a teacher can't really provide them with personalized attention or a stellar education or if we could put them in a school where they would get both (but we can't afford it), if I knew I could love them every day to the end of myself and draw them closer to God... If I knew I could do all those things, then you know what? I would have 8 kids. Because I love them. And I love family.
But I can't do any of those things. And I can't, in good conscience, bring beautiful, wonderful, innocent children into this world and put them in a place that will most definitely corrupt their innocence at a younger and younger age.
So most people will judge me for saying I don't want to have kids. Most people will think I am a selfish, self-serving person. But I think that not having kids could be the most selfless thing I'll ever do. And that's just me being honest.
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