Relationships of a Pharisaic Nature

As I was reading my Bible this morning for the first time in ages, something occurred to me that I hadn't really ever thought of previously.  I've spent my whole life being told to feel compassion for the "lost", to share God's Word with them, to love on them and preach the gospel.  Because a relationship with God is one of the most wonderful things that can ever happen to you.  All of this is true.

But what I realized this morning is that I really don't need to "feel bad" for those who do not know Him.  I mean, yes, there is an element of grief because of the choices people make, but I think this morning I decided my heart is far more grieved by those who claim to have a relationship with Jesus, but don't.

I'm speaking of the equivalent of the Pharisees.  Men (and women) who know the Law inside and out.  People that can recite all Ten Commandments and know all about the Bible in the original Greek and Hebrew, but whose faces do not change when they speak of Creation or of the Creator.  He is as text to them--something to analyze, something to read, but not someone or something with whom to fall in love.

Yes, this by far grieves my heart more than any lost soul.  Because I think generally those whom are lost don't very much like God.  (Generally)  And not liking someone deals more with a relationship than not feeling any way about them whatsoever.  I think God can do more with hate than He can with apathy.  Being that He's omnipotent, He can really do anything, but I mean as far as molding people's hearts.

If you love the Lord, and I mean really are in love with Him, then you feel when He's tugging on your heart, trying to speak to you, trying to mold you.  If you hate Him, I think you feel that just as easily, but instead of really listening, you fight and you argue or you choose to ignore.  I think those who feel no way at all feel nothing.  I think they've done such a wonderful job of numbing themselves to anything greater than themselves that that's all they can really see or feel.

I think when I decided to not feel any way at all, to numb myself was the time I felt the most silence from God.  And I don't believe it was because He was being silent although that is distinctly possible.  I think it was because it was far different from any relationship I'd ever had with Him previously.  I've always ever been angry with God or seeking Him out, seeking relationship.  But I think when I closed myself off entirely, I put myself in a sound proof room, locked the door and swallowed the key.  I didn't want anything to do with God or religion or Christians, so I hid myself from them and refused to acknowledge their existence.  That is, by far, the loneliest existence I have ever led.

I apologize for the rabbit trail, but what I'm really getting at is my heart now breaks for those who think they know and may really even know all there is to know about Christianity, but know nothing of the Father's heart for them or anyone else.  I think the Bible in and of itself is a wonderful, profound book from which we can learn many good things, but I think the real meat in it so to speak is discovering something from those who authored its pages.  Intimacy.  Many of them speak of this delightful intimacy with their Lord.  And I think those of us that only ever read it in the context of a text book (which can be a very good thing sometimes), miss that intimacy.

It's the equivalent to me of opening a letter from someone that I know and delving into their sentence structure and grammar and the voice of the letter and ignoring who its from or the heart behind it entirely.  I think often times when we read the Bible, we miss that it is a letter. Literally.  Most of the books in the New Testament were letters written to different churches and provinces.

I don't want to get all metaphorical and say the Bible is a love letter which I've heard so many times.  It shouldn't be a chore to read it, truthfully.  I like to think that if I had a husband over seas and I could only speak to him via letter, I'd read anything he sent me til the pages tattered in my hands.  I don't care if he spoke of the weather wherever he was or it was some ridiculous story.  I love him and I want to cherish every letter, every word and store them in my heart.

As far as I'm concerned, I want to view the Bible in this light.  Most of what I write or read on here is my opinion alone.  It's my journey--things I'm discovering or learning or musing over at my own pace.  I don't express any of it as fact and I truly hope you don't take any of it as that.

All in all, I think I'm just realizing that there is so much more to God than I've ever been taught and it very much grieves my heart that this is so.  It grieves me that at age 22, I'm only now realizing the roots of Christianity.  I think when I was younger, it really was a list of do's and don'ts.  I really was quite intelligent and knew Bible verses and was the little goody two shoes.  But I think only now the idea starting to take root in my heart and in my mind is that Christianity is really about Christ.  It's not do's and don'ts as much as "did".  I think studying the life and the deeds of Christ and doing my best to replicate them not for the sake of righteousness, but for the sake of Love, is the closest I can get to Christ.  I think we've marred the term "Christian" meaning "little Christ".

It leaves me feeling slightly lost because although I do love the Lord, I really don't know where to place my tent so to speak.  I feel torn in all of this because all I want is those who are sincerely seeking to live like Christ as opposed to living religiously.  I know they're out there, but I don't want to run away to find them. I don't want to go to Africa or India or Korea to meet those that are shaking the foundations of hell with every baptism, every healing, every person brought back from the dead. I think that is as much for me here as it is for them there.

I guess I'm letting you know I'm learning. I think that will always be the way of my life--learning and growing.  But I think that's necessary to stay humble.  I don't want to rely on me. I don't want to have everything figured out. That's scary because that puts me in the place of no longer really needing God.  And I always want to need Him because He's never let me down. He's never disappointed. But I disappoint me on a regular basis.

I guess I'm saying maybe some of us need to think more.  What do you really believe about this "Christianity"?  I don't think many young Christians raised in the church ever ask themselves that question.  And I think not to ever really explore the depths of your beliefs, to never let their foundations be poked and prodded at is to let them be in danger of becoming ignorance--of becoming something that you've just always believed and always will without much reason other than that's what you were told.

It is rumored that Gandhi was questioned as to why he wasn't a Christian, why he so adamantly rejected becoming Christ's follower being that he so often quoted the words of Christ.  And his response went something like this: "Oh, I don't reject Christ.  I love Christ.  It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike Christ."

And whether he actually said that or not, to me, that's worth thinking about.