(written 08 Apr 2011)
Some would find it odd if I were to tell them that I don't feel God and that I haven't for quite some time. When I say "feel", I mean that warm cozy presence that lights up your night and dashes all your fears to pieces. I'm speaking of that tangible atmosphere of the glory of God.
I hear His voice as clearly as I ever have, if not more so. I'm spending more time in the Word than I ever have. But it feels as one of those conversations that you're having with someone where there's no real emotional connection. You're simply just talking.
I say some would find it odd because my "relationship with God" has all the appearances of one of passion, fervor, and zeal (so I've been told). But if I'm raising my hands at all in worship or speaking animatedly about Him, it is not because there is passion in the relationship. It is because He is perpetually worthy of nothing less.
Even if I'm not "on cloud nine" or smiley-giggly all the time, even if my life circumstances scream of a cruel, unforgiving God, I will not be moved because I know the Truth. All of this is but a shadow, soon to be faint memories, drifting to the back of my mind. One thing is certain, however, He is radiant, unchanging, glorious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He is love. And though I may not "feel" Him, knowing these things makes getting on my face worth it.
You are beautiful!
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