There are few people I know in life who are brave. There are plenty of people I know who would like to think they are brave, that they have courage, but I don't know that it is so. There is one, however, who comes to mind when I think of bravery today.
brave (adj)
1. possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance
courage (noun)
1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.
(idiom)
1. to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.
I don't know that I 100% agree with the first definition of courage. Nelson Mandela said, "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear." Therefore, I don't believe that when you face danger or pain or difficulty without fear that it makes you a courageous person. I think the man or woman who faces great terror or trial and conquers it is one who has courage, is one who is brave.
I think of great movie moments when the protagonist must face a great Fear, something debilitating and paralyzing, but comes out the victor. These moments inspire us because we can deeply relate to these heroes. We all feel fear. We are all afraid of something. Whether it is hearing the words, "I don't love you," or of death, we are all afraid of something.
Facing great trial or trouble without fear isn't courage, it's brashness. I do not mean that there is something wrong with being brazen. At times, I believe it is an invaluable quality. However, I do not believe that courage and brashness are synonymous.
I am brash. She is courageous.
I think she has never made the conscious choice to be courageous or brave. It happened upon her as many dark circumstances do, but it is how one reacts to these circumstances that defines one's character. I've seen her thrown into many a tumultuous wave and I've seen her drown and I've seen her fight tooth and nail for oxygen, for life, for victory.
I think I see her as brave because she is willing to be honest about where she is in any given circumstance. If she's doubting the perfect and loving will of her Creator, she isn't afraid to say it or to cry it out or to sing it. If she feels lost, she'll say as much and with no shame, but only with the fleeting hope that someone or something will help her find her way home again.
She is brave because she is willing to face herself in the mirror and be completely real with the person she sees staring back at her. Nothing is hidden, nothing is secret. Many things, however, are sacred. There is a difference between telling every person your fears and confiding in your Savior.
In the face of adversity, of sorrow, of pain and confusion, she creates. It is an unknowing and unconscious act. She doesn't approach her keyboard or put a pen on paper thinking, "Now that I am broken, I will create something." It's something so much more provocatively beautiful and profound. It is her coping mechanism as writing is mine. It helps make sense of the entropy. But never the conscious thought enters her mind, "I will now create." And I think someone with the power to create beauty unknowingly and unwittingly amidst pain and chaos is brave.
There is no deeper exposure than in the creation of something artistically when you are at your lowest. It leaves you feeling naked and it doesn't always solve what it is you set out to solve by creating. Despite this, you end up feeling less crazy, less lost, because there is concrete evidence of your emotions and how real they are. I think exposing yourself, making yourself vulnerable, through your art form is the bravest thing anyone can do. Because the world is full of critics and of people who will judge your darkest piece and call it "trash" even though it is truly one of the most beautiful things you've ever created because it stems from pain and sorrow. It marks the beginning of your journey to healing because of your willingness to open your heart and admit you are lost and you feel defeated.
Her name means "weary". Her name means "gazelle". Isn't it odd how two such conflicting things can define your namesake? I believe this has been much of the challenge in her life. Life has pulled out all the stops to weigh on her, to make her weary and tired. But I have seen her leap. I have seen her bound. I have seen her triumph. And I think being beautiful and letting all of this make you stronger instead of breaking you, and loving people even when you don't want to takes courage.
She is courageous. She is brave.
You will triumph and run and leap and have joy in this and around this.
I love you. I always will.
--Grace.
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