I wrote this about three weeks ago when I had a pretty profound revelation. I hope it serves as a form of encouragement for those of you that felt as I had in my previous blog posts:
"I've spent so much time seeing the evil and the damned things in me, the parts that are easily condemnable. But I missed the more important thing than knowing that without Christ, I am evil and worthless--that I am Redeemed.
THAT'S my identity. Not this selfish whore that I'm supposed to be fighting with all the time. There's no fight. SHE is dead when I say she is, when Christ said she was. So there isn't any battle to fight. It's simply choosing to walk a different path than the path I chose before. It's choosing a more narrow, straight path instead of the one riddled with weeds and poison.
I was walking the path to destruction without realizing I was condemning myself, walking in an identity that I thought as true. It was true except for one, tiny little fact--He put that to death for me on the cross. He died and came back so I could walk in freedom. Not this "I didn't earn this" attitude with my head hung low, but in the way of a child who doesn't question beautiful gifts; like a child who basks in the love and adoration of an intentional and warm parent.
I've been so busy focusing on my depravity and my ineptitude as a human that I forgot to walk in the "despite" part of my destiny. That despite the fact that at my core, I am evil, He still looks at me and smiles and showers my face with kisses. He LOVES me. That's my identity. Not my depravity. Not anymore."
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